Still Here...

Okay, so I've definitely put blogging on hold lately, but I'm hoping to get back into the swing of things.

A lot of changes have happened over the last few months. First of all, I got a new job outside of the home down at LDS Hospital as a secretary for the inpatient psych ward, and I love it! There's never a dull moment with the job as the patients are rather acute and psychotic, but it makes it all worth it to see the turn around the patients make when they clear and are ready to go home. It's definitely a rewarding job. The only thing I would change about it is the commute. I take the bus every day so I don't get wear and tear on my car (which is about to die anyway), but the whole commute ends up taking 3 hours a day, 15 hours a week...time that sure could be put to use elsewhere. I'm looking a little bit for jobs closer to home, but for now, this job seems to fit me very well.

Secondly, I've started dating a wonderful guy named Ernie who lives out in Farr West. We met on a blind date in September, which couldn't have come at a better time since August was an extremely hard and lonely month for me with my 5th year wedding annivesary. He's been through some tough times himself. About two years back, his wife unexpectedly died of brain cancer after 7 years of marriage. He has 2 very sweet little girls, ages 5 and 3. Ambry is 4, so their ages are definitely close and there's tons of energy when they're all together, but they have lots of fun together. His whole family has lovingly invited me into their homes without hesitation and I really feel comfortable with all of them and I like to think I fit in pretty well. Ambry really loves Ernie! Every other guy I've dated she has been very hesitant with and would cry and cry when we were together, but how she feels about Ernie is different. She asks about him and the girls daily and looks forward to seeing them as much as possible. Ernie and I have been dating a little over 3 months, which has gone incredibly fast, and we're both looking forward to the future. :)

I'm horrible at remembering to bring my camera along with me to things, so sorry for the lack of pictures, but here's one from our Christmas Eve party together.

Hope everyone had a Very Merry Christmas! May your New Year be full of good times!

Ambry's New Bed

Ambry has been needing a new bed for a while now, but I have been putting it off mainly due to the expense of it all. Recently I got a call from my old job saying that they forgot to pay me for 60 hours of unused PTO time. And what a blessing that was! We were so glad to have that money come in so we could get Ambry's big girl bed all ready. Everywhere we went, we seemed to find incredible deals on the mattress, sheets, etc.

After much trial and error, here's how we finally ended up arranging the room.



Everything seems to be perfect so far. There's only one problem...I think Ambry just might have a nicer mattress than me now! :)

Five Years Ago Today...

It would have been my 5th year anniversary today. The last few years, this day has come and gone and hasn’t affected me much at all, but for some reason this year really hit me hard. I don’t miss my ex at all, but I miss being married. I miss coming home after work and getting a kiss and a hug, I miss having date nights, I miss talking out little spats, I miss cuddling at bedtime, I miss doing the dishes together, etc. I hate coming home to a dark house, I hate going to bed alone…I hate the loneliness!

It’s now been 4-1/2 years that I’ve been single. To make it worse, I haven’t had a date that got past the first one for 3 years. To be blunt, I’m sick and tired of this single mom business. I feel like I do so much, if not it all, on my own. First of all I’m a mother, I’m the breadwinner (and I don’t receive any child support), I make a house payment and pay all the bills, I work full-time, I cook all the meals, I mow the lawn and do the yard work, I clean and scrub the house, do the laundry, do the shopping, am the home mechanic, attend to church callings, so on and so forth, and it completely drains me! A lot of the times when I turn my computer on to start working for the day, I feel so guilty about not being there for Ambry like she needs me. I feel like she doesn’t have a mom in addition to a dad, and I start to feel like a failure as a mom. Unless she has her grandma or friends come over, she ends up watching TV for 6-8 hours most every day. Luckily my mom has helped me so much with her, but I feel so guilty about that. I feel like my mom who has basically raised her children should enjoy being a grandma instead of being a babysitter and raising my child for me.

I have to admit there’s a tiny little ounce of jealousy in me. I long to have the thing so many others have: Companionship. I long for Ambry to have a daddy and know what that actually means. I long to have another baby someday. I long to actually attend the temple with the man of my dreams instead of going there alone all the time and seeing all the happy couples there. I long to have my own real family!

I’m sure I would give up right now if it weren’t for Ambry. There are many days I’m absolutely falling apart in my room thinking I just can’t do it anymore, and in comes my sweet daughter, not saying anything, but just giving me her best bear hug and kisses and lets me hold her and cry. There’s a talk that President Hinckley gave in 2003 called “To the Women of the Church”. It’s my favorite church talk and I have it printed out and read it often. I won’t quote the whole thing here, but here's one part that really jumped out at me:

"Now I speak to you single mothers whose burdens are so heavy because you have been abandoned or have been widowed. Yours is a terrible load. Bear it well. Seek the blessings of the Lord. Be grateful for any assistance that may come out of the quorums of the priesthood to help you in your home or with other matters. Pray silently in your closet, and let the tears flow if they must come. But put a smile on your face whenever you are before your children or others."

I really suggest you read it…it’s a wonderful talk and gives me great comfort.

I know that Heavenly Father loves me. I know that He knows what I’m going through and the struggles I face, and that He knows what is best for me. I’ve learned, and am still learning, to put my trust in His will. I just hope that everything will work out in the end.

Thanks for reading.

Our St. George House

My parents and sister have been building a house down in lovely St. George. It just got finished a few weeks ago, and I just thought the house looked so cool I wanted to share some pictures of it. The best thing is, it's wired for Internet and so I can take my computer and just do all my work from down there.




So we don't melt on those hot summer days, we put in a pool with a hot tub for cool evenings. The bundle of rocks in the corner is actually a waterfall.

I haven't been down there yet, but I'm so excited to go and hang out with the fam! It's going to be great!

I Love Lagoon!!!

I've been wanting to go to Lagoon so bad this summer, and it just hasn't been able to work out so far. It's either raining or I can't find a babysitter for Ambry, but today was the day I finally got to go! It was tons of fun! I'm just like a little kid when it comes to Lagoon...almost running from ride to ride, getting as dizzy as possible, etc. Ambry, however, does not share my love of Lagoon sadly. Most all the kiddie rides scare her to death and she even screams on the Merry Go Round. Kinda sad, but hopefully she'll grow out of this stage.

I had some coupons for Lagoon from Deseret Book, but I figured before I went I would check KSL if there were any better deals out there. I found one that was a season pass that some lady's daughter got for her birthday but apparently hates Lagoon. So, I now have a season pass that I got for VERY cheap and I can go whenever I want...YAY!!! Currently I'm going by myself as my family really doesn't like Lagoon, so if anybody would like to join me or maybe plan a day down there with each other, let me know. I would love someone to go with!

Happy Birthday Ambry!!!

Today was Ambry's 4th birthday. I can't believe she's this old already! This year I decided to bake her own cake. I saw how cute my neighbors were doing some of their birthday cakes for their kids, and being a right-brainer, I just couldn't pass up a creative opportunity.

Ambry said she wanted a swimming pool cake, since she loves to swim, so this is what I came up with... It was actually really fun to do!

(Had to give the bears some swimming attire) :)

She was definitely impressed!

We went and had a nice dinner at my parents with shrimp and chicken kabobs. All in all a good day! Seeing your kids excitement over their birthday is so fun to watch. I think being a mom is the best thing in the world. Happy Birthday my little Linny-Lou, I love you!

Anybody have a coupon?

Just a little request...I was doing laundry today and washing my sheets, and when they came out, my bottom sheet had a 12" x 12" hole right in the middle with thinning all around the rest of it. So I guess they wore out. Does anyone have one of those Bed Bath and Beyond 20% off coupons they will not be using? If so, let me know! My bed will thank you!